time to update

Okay so it’s been what, over four months since I last posted. A lot has happened in the last four months! God has presented great challenges to me. Last semester was tough spiritually, but my grades turned out very good! I even made the Dean’s list! So I’m pretty excited about that. However, I certainly did not do it alone. I could not have gotten through last semester without the help of God! Now I’m into my second semester, wisdom toothless. Yes, I got my Wisdom Teeth out over Christmas Break, which really, wasn’t bad at all.

During January Term, I did a 100 hour Curricular Practicum at the South Carolina School for the Deaf and Blind (SCSDB). It was a great, but tough experience. It was quite the introduction to student teaching. I had to get up at 6 AM and I was done at 3:15, but that didn’t mean I was done for the day. I still had a lot of paper work, and I was working, which was also difficult. I was very exhausted all month. However, I learned a lot from the kids and about the content areas.

This semester, I’m taking: Audiology and Speech Science, Teaching Language for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, ASL 4, Manually Coded English, and Science for the Child. It is quite a busy Semester. I’m working a bit more hours now, so I stay pretty busy with school work, church, classes, and work. But this semester is going really well, and God has been granting me great JOY lately!

Well, that’s about all I have for now. Toodles!

Strange, but awesome feeling

Well, it has been quite some time since I have last updated! So here goes an update…

Bruster’s is going well. I’m finally done with training, and I absolutely love it! I got to take my first take home of ice cream yesterday (we’re allowed to take up to a double scoop home on the days that we work). I was super excited, and of course, I brought home my all time favorite! Mint Chocolate Chip. And Bruster’s has THE BEST Mint Chocolate Chip!

School is busy, as usual. I have a midterm on thursday that I’m a little worried about, but I’m trying to lift those anxieties up to the Lord. The midterm is in Intro to Exceptional Learners, and my professor basically wants us to know everything in the first six chapters of the book. But other than that, things are good!

Discernment is fantastic. I went on a retreat this past weekend and the strangest feeling of peace came over me. As many people know by now, I am in a new relationship, and strangely, for the first time in 3 years I have absolutely no desire to look into any religious communities. It doesn’t mean that I am no longer open to religious life, because I really am, but I just have no desire to even look at another community right now. It is actually a grace. I am so excited to see what the Lord has planned for this new relationship!

I’m reading a new book now! Its called Captivating by John and Stasi Elredge. It’s a fantastic book about unveiling a woman’s heart. Its amazing, all you women out there should read it!

I love how God likes to keep my life adventurous!

Finally Hired!

So, I had an interview with Bruster’s yesterday, and basically, I went in, the person interviewing me went over some policies and procedures, asked me like 3 or 4 questions, then went over the uniform, and said they had to check on the college wages and find someone to train me, and then they would call me and see when I can start!!! So I’m super excited and so thankful of our wonderful and precious Lord! AMEN!

Obedience

Wow! God has been teaching me SO much lately! It is so amazing how God can teach you so much in times of darkness, or tough times. Not only is discernment about asking God what you can do for Him, but its also about obeying him when He does tell you what to do for Him. You can never be certain about where you are going in life. The only thing certain about life is its uncertainty, as many philosophers say. You only know what God wants you to do when He tells you to do it…on His timing. He will tell you when and if he wants you to be married, or to be in the religious life, or a single person. But a vocation isn’t just about married life, religious life, and single life.  A vocation is anything you do in life. Currently, my vocation is to go to school, pursue a degree in Special Ed: Deaf and Hard of Hearing and serve Him. ALL of us have a vocation to purely serve our Lord and live in Love. The way we live out that vocation varies. So, I’m not going to say that I WILL be a nun, or I WILL be married. Only time will tell. It is for God to know and me to find out. I can only hope that everyone understands this. So many assume that I am going to be a nun as soon as I mention that I am in discernment. Discernment is a life long process and, like I said, NOTHING is for certain.

Amen!

a general update…

So, overall i’m doing better. God is slowly giving me more strength in my discernment. I went to Adoration the other day and just let God fill me with His spirit. Just to recenter myself because I was way overwhelmed and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I’ve applied to a few jobs. I applied to Starbucks and they never called me back, even after I called them. I applied to the dining hall, and they didn’t call me either. And I applied to Bruster’s, I called them Yesterday and basically they said, “if we want to interview you, we’ll call you,” sort of rudely. So I said, fine, whatever, I’m done with franchises who CAN’T CALL PEOPLE!!!! ARGGH! Okay, so yesterday I went to Startex Learning Center, about 15 or 20 minutes away, depending on traffic, and applied there. The owner was really nice and is very willing to work with my schedule. They really need people with experience there, and I definitely have experience. So hopefully they’ll hire me. I’m getting tired and impatient with waiting. I need money, like now.

Big Sis/Lil Sis (a big Converse tradition) starts this week, and I’m a big sister this year, so I will be busy, and broke this week.

My roommate is amazing, and she’s helped me work through all this…actually we’ve helped each other…I’ve also got other really AMAZING friends who’ve been there for me, and I’m SO thankful for all of them! You know who you are…and thanks to you all!

Well, I need to go put my sheets and towels in the dryer and go get some dinner…toodles!

Realize

…that’s how i feel at the moment…

A Valuable Lesson

So today, I learned a very valuable lesson….so here goes…

Discernment is not a process of making a decision…its where you simply ask God…”What do YOU want me to do for YOU?” I cannot rule out anything. I cannot just continue on a path and say “I WILL enter the religious life.” If I do that, then something may come along that God really wants me to do, and I may miss it. I am NOT in control of my life…He is! So if a relationship happens to develop, then it develops. I just have to sit back and allow it to happen. However, it is this reality that is very hard for me to accept and live with. I want to be in control of my life SO much…but I CAN’T…that Is not my job…my calling is to allow God to shine through me, for me to be His instrument…

My Lord, Give me Strength to follow your will!

A chicken with its head cut off…

So, I feel like I’m a chicken with its head cut off. Like I’m in the dark and I have NO CLUE where I’m going or what I’m doing! All I keep thinking is what if…what if…what if… What if I’ve got this WHOLE thing wrong, and I AM called to marriage, but what if these feelings are nothing and its just the normal feeling of one discerning a vocation. What if I’m called to neither vocation and I’m just called to be single. It’s just all SO confusing.

Despite my “what if” feelings and questions, I do know what I am called to do RIGHT NOW. I know that I am called to be a student at Converse College. To show God’s love in many ways every single day. I know that God has given me one of the most amazing roommates in the world. I know that right now, I CAN’T know my vocation for sure. There is absolutely no way. I shouldn’t try to interpret my feelings and just do what I’m called to do right now, and when the time comes where I have to decide, then I’ll decide. At least that’s the way it SHOULD be. I read in a blog once dedicated to young discerners that young people who are discerning should not worry so much about the future and try to decide if Religious Life is for them, they should simply live in the here and now and when and if God calls, they’ll know it. I know that is SO true! But, I can’t just cut the idea of religious life, married life, or single life out. I mean, with religious life, its like I’m dating it. I definitely can’t date a guy right now, it just wouldn’t be right. I mean, I’m CRAZY busy, i’m trying to find a job, and I need to focus on school and relying COMPLETELY on God. I do not have the time or energy to give to a man the way that is needed in a relationship. And being in an All-Women’s college, it’s inevitable that i have ANOTHER long distance relationship, and I definitely don’t have the means to do that right now. Focusing on God, school, and a job (when I find one) is enough, I can’t focus on anymore. It is these things that I know, but for some reason it is so difficult to live by these things. My Lord is the ONLY person who can get me through this, who can give me strength and help me to rely ONLY on Him.

I don’t know if religious life is for me, and I don’t know if married life is for me. I’ll just have to ride the ride that God has created my path for, sit back, and enjoy it, taking everything in! Oh I can’t wait to go HOME to my Lord!

Suffering: A part of being Christian

“The Saints and friends of Christ served the Lord in hunger and thirst, in cold and nakedness, in labor and weariness, in watchings and fastings, in prayer and meditation, in many persecutions and reproaches.” –The Imitation of Christ

Suffering is a huge part of being a Christian. By choosing to follow Christ, you choose to give up your life on earth so that you may have eternal life with Him. Your life on earth may not be pleasant, you may not have many friends, and people may hate you, but that is all for the great glory of the Lord! Why is it that I complain so much about not always being completely fulfilled or having too much homework? Those are such petty things! When I think about the sufferings that other people go through just because of their faith, I feel guily for even complaining about anything. Yet, I still complain. I should be accepting my sufferings and using them to praise the Lord! This is a lifelong challenge that I will always be fighting and striving to be better. Jesus told his apostles that they will suffer, that they will hate them because they hate Him. Well, that suffering is not just limited to the Apostles. Year after year, day after day, saints all over the world suffer just because they have a great faith in our Lord, Jesus Christ. Because they know the Truth, and they are not afraid to proclaim it. The Lord comforts His children when they are suffering, He wraps His arms around them and He brings them home. Home, that’s where I am striving to be on this earth. Not my earthly home, but my heavenly home. If I have to go through many sufferings to get there, so be it.

still feeling strange, but yay for friends!

So I still feel wierd. I don’t know what to think? How do I know? Am I going in the right direction? questions…questions…questions, they’re everywhere…

So to get my mind off of it, I went to interlude with a good friend tonight. It was nice. We played connect four, checkers, and drank de-caff coffee. Then we watched A Walk to Remember, which is one of my favorite movies. I wish I could be more like Jamie. So laid back and cheerful no matter what obstacle comes my way. I do strive for that, but it’s so difficult. To be cut down like that, then just not let it affect me, just to focus on impressing God and living for Him completely, the way that she does.

Praise God, Thank you Lord for having every detail of my life worked out…only you know what’s best for me!