maybes…

My mind is full of maybes right now. Maybe God is calling me to take the challenge and find a community right now. Maybe God is calling me to wait until I’m done with college, teach for a bit while I look for a community. Maybe God is calling me to enter the August right after I graduate. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.

Visiting and discerning with communities is one thing, actually jumping out of the boat and filling out an application for one is another. It’s a very scary thing. I don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want to enter the wrong community. I don’t want to enter a community, then find out that I wasn’t supposed to enter a community.

HOw do I know that what I feel my heart telling me right now, my heart is actually telling me? How do I know that it isn’t just me wanting to do something rather than God telling me to do something? How do I KNOW?!

Right now, I have a huge feeling that I’m supposed to enter right out of college. Now that I know that there are options if I don’t get my debt paid off before I graduate, it makes me think that God may be calling me to enter right after I graduate. Do you know what that means?! That means I have to find a community, get the application, fill out the application, apply for the fund for vocations, and get it ALL done within the next TWO years! EXACTLY two years!!! On top of going to school, working, paying off debt, and building my business! WHAT?! What God? you want me to do WHAT?! in WHAT amount of time?! REALLY?! But wait! Is it you that’s really saying this? or am I just anxious, again? HOW DO I KNOW?!

okay okay, I know! I have to breathe, i have to PRAY! I have to just take it a day at a time and allow GOD to do the work for me. I just have to be His hands, His feet, and His voice. I just have to do HIS work. This is not me doing this, this is Him. It’s all about Him and His glory. Not about me, not about my fears, not about my anxiety. He will take care of it. No amount of money is too great for Him! Now amount of time is too small for Him! I know this, I really really do! I just have to remember it. ::stick in memory, now REMEMBER!::

Oh how I LOVE the Lord! Oh how I desire NOTHING but to be consecrated to Him. To be His bride. He will guide me. He will take my burdens. If I’m meant to be in a community right after I graduate, it’ll all work out. I’ll know when the time comes. What I do know right now is that I should be visiting communities throughout this year. I must continue exploring and just take it a day at a time. It will all work out in His timing! God is SO good!

And now, I leave you with a song by Danielle Rose…It’s called “Let it be Done Unto Me.”

The Lord sent me to Mary
As she was praying in the sun
I said “Hail Mary favored one the Lord is with you, Mary it’s true.”
She did not understand
She said, “Shall I touch the sky with these small hands.”
A peasant from Galilee destined to become the Queen of peace

And all heavens and the earth stand still in silence waiting for soul to replay
She is free to choose
God will never abuse
The sacred yes she cannot be denied

Let it be done unto me
With one small yes, the world will be redeemed
What was impossible is now a possibility
Let it be done unto me

Mary do not be afraid
Behold you will conceive a son through whom the world is saved
Humility will be your throne
And in your a womb our God, our God will find a home
Oh Lord how can this be?
I have not given any man my body’s purity
The spirit will come down like once there in elizabeth
Can now it shall be found

And all heavens and the earth stand still in silence waiting for soul to replay
She is free to choose
God will never abuse
The sacred yes she cannot be denied

Let it be done unto me
With one small yes, the world will be redeemed
What was impossible is now a possibility
Let it be done unto me

She yes to the Father
Yes to the unknown
Yes with all her strength
Yes with God alone
The first holy communion took place that blessed day
Christ came into her body
When Mary chose to say

Let it be done unto me
With one small yes, the world will be redeemed
What was impossible is now a possibility
Let it be done unto me

I want to say Yes like Mary to whatever God calls me to, I strive to be the Handmaid of the Lord, just like Mary!