weird feelings…

So I feel strange…really strange. Like maybe I’m just exhausted and these strange feelings come with it. Its like one of those strange feelings where I could just use a hug from a man…if that makes sense at all. This whole trying to find a job thing is really stressful. I’m starting to run out of money and I need something now! But I don’t want people to think that I’m desparate…I need to trust that God has all of the details already worked out, and I need to just trust in His timing. I just need to do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it. God help me!!

A Strange New World

So, I moved into Converse yesterday. It took a lot of work and I’m quite sore. But I got pretty much everything unpacked yesterday, which was great. Orientation Leader Training hasn’t been bad at all. It’s been really great seeing everyone again. I really missed all of my friends, so it’s great to catch up with people.

However, Things are strange for me. Most of my friends graduated last May. I was realling close to all of them. It was wierd this morning when I left to go to mass. I actually looked in the lobby expecting two of my friends to be there ready to go to mass together. I keep expecting to see different people, and they’re not here. I realize that they have moved on to gain more and different experiences, however it hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m a Junior, and that is way strange. Just yesterday, I was a freshman coming into orientation.

I just feel so awkward here and not at peace. Like a part of me is still missing. Maybe I left a part of me back at Camp Burnt Gin, but I wasn’t at complete peace there either. Where, Lord, where will I feel complete peace? Where do you want me?!

Lord, Calm my anxious heart…

Today, I have been anxious all day. I have been trying to live in the here and now while discerning. I don’t quite understand exactly how to live in the here and now while trying to discern my vocation. I just cannot seem to clear my mind today. It’s so strange. I have thought after thought running through my head. About the future, about my vocation, about what is going to happen when I get to school, about the people I’m excited to see…just thought after thought. I went to mass this evening for the Feast of the Assumption, and it was driving me nuts! My mind was going everywhere and I just couldn’t seem to focus on mass. Mass is one of the most important things in my life, receiving the Eucharist, the bread of life…I have a great reverence for the Eucharist, it’s the greatest gift of my faith, yet I couldn’t clear my mind. I was constantly asking God to help me clear my mind. So after mass, I went to slip into the adoration chapel and prayed for the Lord to grant me peace and to calm my anxious heart, which helped quite a bit. I feel much better now. It was just so strange.

That is definitely something I will have to work on this year. Clearing my mind and only focusing on the here and now.

Lord teach me how to live on the here and now and discern your will.

Hail Mary! Teach me through your son to surrender everything.